Primary. Years 3/4/5/6

The Land Where Sports Get Confused

By Sebastian Jennings, year 6, Hautes Capelles School

As your boat pulls up at the island’s port, you will see football being played on the biggest ice hockey rink you’ve ever seen. Meanwhile, on the grass football pitch, you’ll see heavily armoured ice hockey players using a puck and sticks with brute force, which does little to move the puck across the rough terrain.

As you walk further along the quay, you may bump into the football commentators, but do not talk to them because they have no ability to speak. They will try to tackle you, but do not feel alarmed, they have no strength. However, should you meet the petanque players, do not be deceived by their appearance.

As you enter the old town, be careful who you talk to as not all is as it seems. Those dressed in black should help to keep the peace, but this may not always be the case. Their tongues are sharp and a single blow on their whistle can attract the attention of an army of referees.

Do not hesitate as you climb up the rugby pitch. Cross the try line, head straight for the changing rooms. Everything will be in order: the rooms will smell of roses; no stray kit will litter any surface. Leave the changing rooms via the side door, but do not be tempted to peer inside the toilet cubicle as you may see more than you bargained for.

Walk out onto the running track, but keep your wits about you. The swimmers practising their butterfly will not be forgiving of your presence. Join in with their training until you reach the far east end where you leave via the large metal gate. Head east, back towards the port, but be mindful of the mind games that litter the streets. Your boat awaits your arrival, but do not look over your shoulder. It is best you do not see the archer take aim at the target on your sail.

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